Saturday, June 02, 2007

Nostradomus Tamerlane

Tamerlane's ability to predict the future amazes even himself. First, he predicted that the TB-carrying jerk was an attorney. He was right.

A couple of weeks ago, Tamerlane was chatting about the wonderful world of competitive eating and predicted that San Jose's Joey Chestnut will break Kobayashi's hot dog record. Today, Chestnut broke the record by eating 59 1/2 hot dogs and buns in 12 minutes. Kudos to Chestnut for his impressive gastronomic abilities and Tamerlane for his awesome psychic abilities.

Since he is on a roll, Tamerlane will make six more predictions of things that will (or will not) happen in the coming year or two.

1. Cristina Kirchner will be the next Argentine president. Mrs. Kirchner will succeed her hubby Nestor as the next president.

2. Surge inconclusive. When Petraeus reports to Congress in September about the progress of the Surge, he will say that it is too early to say but that it looks like some progress is being made in calming Baghdad down. With such a hedgy, wishy-washy conclusion, the spineless Democrats will give Bush another temporary blank check with no timelines-- probably enough funding through January or February '08.

3. Fidel will live past W's presidency. A true testament to the unextinguishable fire in El Comandante's belly. Viva!

4. Chinese stocks crash, economy doesn't. In the next year, at least two of China's major stock exchanges will suddenly (within the span of five days) lose 1/3 of their value. However, despite widespread panic by unsophisticated bandwagon investors/gamblers/speculators, the Chinese economy will keep humming and grow at 7% plus per annum.

5. Chiang Kai-Shek statue stays. Despite much rancor and sabre-rattling on the part of the DPP, the big bronze statue of Chiang sitting in "his" memorial hall will stay. However, the hall's new name-- National Taiwan Democracy Memorial Hall-- will also stay.

6. Jolie will adopt two more. By the end of 2008, Jolie will have adopted two more children. One will be from the poor Northeast region of Brazil. The second will be from a mistreated minority group from somewhere in Eastern Europe.

If Tamerlane is at least 4 for 6, he and his Horde are invading Vegas, baby!